Food

For a long, long time, I've had a horrible relationship with food and with my body. This morning, I read this article and found it incredibly inspiring. 

When I was younger, I suffered from anorexia and since then, when I feel stressed or out of control it's been a comforting crutch to fall back on. It's never comforting, though, and it's a problem. I see extreme anorexics on the likes of Dr. Phil and I never want to be those people. Ever. The thing about falling back to anorexia to deal with my problems is that it's very hard to crawl out of. Like, really, really hard. Once I get to that place, it's a black hole of horrible.

Lately, I've really been struggling with this. The past few weeks, I haven't been able to afford much food (welcome to graduate school) and after eating peanut butter sandwiches for almost every meal has made me skip meals because, honestly, I've gotten tired of peanut butter sandwiches. So, I lost 8 lbs. And now I'm only 7 lbs away from my "I don't hate myself weight" and 17 lbs from "omg I'm so awesome and hot this weight will solve all of my body issues" weight. People have been telling me how skinny I look and instead of feeling good I just get upset and wonder if I looked like a fat cow before. I enjoy the fact that my clothes are a little baggy on me right now. It's empowering, but in a sick way.



Emily, the author of the above inspirational article, posted this picture of herself in a bathing suit and I thought to myself, I love this person. She's not afraid to write about her issues then put herself out there. Thanks, Emily. Hopefully, one day, my self-worth won't be so tired to the way I look. Because I'm worth way more than that.