The first episode of American Horror Story Asylum was a hot mess

Before we start here, just know there are spoilers.

Last night was the much awaited (by me) premiere of American Horror Story Asylum (which is calling itself a miniseries on imdb. No way. Just because you killed off all of your original characters doesn't make you a miniseries, AHS). I participated in the awesome that is Twitter trending topics. An online party with a bunch of other horror fans watching live. Pretty great.

The opening sequence was super weird. Adam Levine and Channing Tatum's wife were running around an abandoned building having sex and taking pictures. In. A. Death. Factory. Generally, just being weird. Those characters are both lucky they're so hot.

So, the whole first episode was completely confusing. I wasn't sure what was going on half the time. It was totally weird seeing Jessica Lange as a nun. Especially after her performance last season as neighborhood harlot. The scene with her in the red lingerie (what the hell was up with that?) and the priest seemed more her speed. 

Then the weird doctor. Was he cutting arms off or making mutants or what? And why was Sister Mary Eunice feeding zombie people in the yard? And why was she running from them then suddenly stopped running from them when she saw the reporter? Were they no longer chasing her? Were they afraid of a lesbian (in 1964 it's not a stretch)? And why does Sister Jude give a shit enough about the reporter to tie her to the bed? She wasn't even doing anything!

And on a completely separate note, what the hell is up with the aliens? Are they even aliens? When did aliens start skinning people? Maybe Evan Peters can't stop killing people and he just thinks it's aliens? Why did they make Babe's father the evil scientist?

Wait! Wait! Aliens skinned his wife, not him!
I hope this season pans out to be actually scary and not just scary because of how stupid the writing is. Because that's where it's headed right now. After the first episode of the first season, I was afraid. Season 2's opener left me very confused and a little amused by Adam Levine licking his hand before putting it to his lady.