Friendly

Friendship with oneself is very important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

I read this quote this morning, along with one of the little things I read to get my day started positively. I think it's great because I've been working on giving myself a break from the constant negative montage that marches through my brain all day every day.

You're lazy, You suck, You're a screw up, You're never going to get a job, No one will ever love you. These are the things I tell myself all day almost every day. It's exhausting.

On Saturday, I was so stressed out I laid on the couch all day. And I might have cried a little. And I beat myself up. Which makes it worse. I was paralyzed by anxiety and self doubt. It was so horrible. I felt physical pain I was so upset.

I did the most logical thing, took a nap. When I woke up, it was almost 5pm and I felt a little better. I was able to listen to some rationale (from myself, because I was alone all day). I said, "Self, beating yourself up for taking a nap or for not doing any work today isn't going to make the work get done. Beating yourself up for past mistakes isn't going to make today any different. All you can do is change right now."

And, unlike the past, I believed myself. I remembered what a stressful week last week was. So stressful that I probably needed day to lay on the couch and watch 30 Rock to recover. And I reminded myself that I'm in a good place with my school work. And even if I don't get one more thing completed and I only have 8 pieces in my graduation portfolio, it's going to be ok.

Today, I'm working on being a friend to myself. If I treated my treasured friends as horribly as I treat myself, I'd have no friends. The little voice inside who tells me I'm a worthless piece of shit needs to be quieted. Because I'm not a piece of shit. I'm an amazing individual with something unique and amazing to offer, just like everyone I admire.