The last few weeks have been quite hard. I've been extremely sick and some of the time it's so bad all I can do is lie in the bed all day. I listen to audiobooks and sometimes I feel so terrible I'm fine listening to an audiobook and being in the bed all day. But sometimes I'm so bored of myself it's impossible to do that.
I'm feeling angry and isolated. "Why is this happening to me?!" I ask myself and then I remember there are children starving around the world and I have other friends with Crohn's disease and cancer and I wonder why is it happening to them, too. When friends and family tell me, "It'll get better," "It won't be like this forever," "Just stay positive, don't lose hope," I want to punch them and throw something. It may be like this forever! We don't know. It's a rollercoaster of having hope, losing it, being angry then feeling peace with this situation.
I often can't sleep at night and I've found peace in painting. Even when I'm in a lot of pain and feel like I can't do anything else, when I put my brush to paper, I get lost in my work. I'm so thankful I have my art to carry me through some of this sadness and pain. I feel like myself when I'm painting. I wish it was doing it less between 12–5am, but if that's it, I'll take it.
Thank you for reading! If you are also suffering from a chronic illness, please feel free to comment (or anyone else). Us sickies need each other to get through it!